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I wish I had time to update here more often, but I don't seem to have time for nearly anything online anymore, other than having Facebook open in the background while I do school assignments.  And here I am again, months after my last entry, bothering you all with a rant and ramble.  I'm sorry, loves.

I hope all is well with you guys.  <3

But here is my rant in full, something I've been writing over the last week as the urge strikes me.  Forgive the length.

Valentine's day.
Ungh, shoot me now.


What a vile holiday this is. Now, don't jump on me yet, I do have an explanation. As most of you know, I am not single this year for the first time in many years, and though I cannot be with my significant other for this holiday, it isn't some kind of petty animosity that makes Valentine's day leave such a bitter taste in my mouth. It is the holiday itself and what it has come to mean in our culture.


Men? If you don't buy your girlfriend something sparkly, a bouquet of roses, and take her to dinner, you're a terrible person. Women? If you are involved in any way with a man and he does not shower you with gifts, you're in a terrible relationship and, really, how could that insensitive oaf do this to you? In case anyone was wondering, this paragraph was sarcastic.


[ Commercialism and gratitude ]Collapse )
Buddy, my very large orange tabby, passed on this morning.  I hope he rests peacefully.


This entry is to be a little bit of a ramble on my own discontent.  Feel free to disregard.

I originally wrote this a couple of weeks ago, but tonight I feel the need to add on to it, and I thin having the background of the first will help anyone who reads.
Shuddering and stuttering to a halt.Collapse )


Para update: I love you guys.  I'm sorry I haven't written.  I have all but 2 articles and a single scene written on that damned Epilogue, and I promise it will be out by the holidays... but fuck, school is killing me, guys.

Forgive me?  :(

Occasionally in life, we are blinded by epiphany. Reality coalesces into one defining moment where doubts flee our minds, pessimism buries itself in the nether, and fears are nonentities. In that moment we see life with striking clarity and make a decision purely based on that truth, finally freeing ourselves, if only for a moment, from the traps of anxiety.

That moment came to me when Peter got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. And I said yes.



Would you like to hear a story, loves?Collapse )


Pictures are here, and yes... I got a fucking Facebook... shoot me.  :P

My Day in Downtown Chicago
Reactor 2009 (Convention)

List is subject to change.


  • See Rayvn off, wish the family a good trip.
  • Get settled into my Math and English courses online
  • Finish my Fable playthrough in which I am a woman who will take the sex change potion (I'll get around your lack of gay adoption yet, LionHead!)
  • Mow the lawn
  • Find some wonderful people to help me write articles for the middle of Paraselenic's epilogue



  • Finish Paraselenic
  • Start going through my room and sorting Rayvn's clothes
  • Finish up the last bits of my Harry Potter / Final Fantasy XII crossover (LOL, wut)
  • Continue keeping up on my damned English and Math!
  • Finish up my Persona fic
  • Mow the law again, also get out with the hoe and fix the damned garden
  • Finish my room and put it back to rights
  • Start working on Yesterday's Dream again? (new HPTR)



  • Clean my room up again since Ray destroyed it.
  • Put up Paraselenic's epilogue, thereby finishing it entirely
  • My Shradildah and Mattie come to town to visit me!  SQUEAL!
  • Go shopping (*shudder*) for a nice shirt or two and a new pair of jeans before my Sept trip
  • Make steampunk jewelry for garb; gear dangle earrings for myself and a necklace for both myself and Peter.  Also cufflinks for Peter.  Possible brooch?  Oh, and I need to make hairsticks from some brass wire with more dangly gears.  Lawl.  I run with themes.
  • Rayvn's sixth birthday!  Bawww, my little girl is growing up...


  • Trip to Chicago.  The end.
  • Oh, and school.  BOO.

Another one of those entries where I ramble.  I haven't had a positive entry in weeks... so hey.  Let's try for one!

Rambling as usual.  Discussion of my upcoming trip to Chicago, as I can think of little else these days.

Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet...Collapse )



I don't want  pity.  Keep your placation to yourself, please; I don't need it and it will just make me feel worse.  I just need to rant and vent a bit.  If you feel you cannot abide by this, please don't read.  This will be self-depreciating, pessimistic, and wallowing.  However, I don't want you to jump in and tell me how wrong I am, nor do I need to be made to feel like a child.  The only person who could probably dissuade me from feeling this way at this moment wouldn't be keen on my uncommon (or common if you know me well enough) weakness and certainly wouldn't feed me candy-coated lies.  So... no chance.

Just... let me rant.  Read or don't read, but just let me spill my guts without judgment or platitudes.  Please.

Over-emotional, disgusting rant.Collapse )

“The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we're afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we'll lose it. We fear that if we do not have love we will be unhappy.” - Richard Bach

This quote is so amazingly, scarily spot-on that it forced me to post it.

Anyway, school is eating my brain. I'm just barely hanging onto my A in English, I nearly failed my math final (actually did due to a calc mishap, but was given a chance to retake it and slid by on the skin of my teeth), and nearly every waking moment is spent railing against how utterly stressful online classes are.

But hey, I finished and posted the last chapter (not counting epilogue) to Paraselenic. That is one hell of an accomplishment to me.

But that isn't why I'm posting today. Even the denial which I do not deny I am heavily drowning in (shut up, it can so be denial even when I know it is denial!) is not the point of this post. The point of this post is a very random, short blurb on the types of romantic and which I have decided I am.

Very skippable. Mostly rambling. LOL.

Read more...Collapse )

Oh, but guess what?  I started the Atkins diet in a fit of desperation a week ago... and have since lost 9 pounds.  Hoorah!  Cheer me on, because I'm miserable and miss my snacks.  :(
B is for Breasts
Of which ladies have two;
Once prized for the function,
Now for the view.

~Robert Paul Smith

Hah!  Do I have your attention yet, flist?  I'm sorry for that, but I'm very amused by the subject of today's random entry:  Breasts.

Warning: If you are uncomfortable with talk of tits and nipples (mine specifically), don't bother clicking. I'm very frank. XDCollapse )

This entry will be separated into four parts for your navigation. I doubt anyone wants to read the entirety of this long-ass thing. :P



Real Life: Louis and Being a ParentCollapse )

Real Life: Annoying InsecurityCollapse )


Fandom: Fic UpdatesCollapse )


Miscellaneous: Stupid SurveyCollapse )
Sometimes I just wonder if I'm ever going to be pulled from this rut.

What do people have against being blunt?  Fucking tell me if I annoy you -- if you don't want anything to do with me.  Do you think you're being some great friend by ignoring my fucking existence?  Is that supposed to be easier?  I beg to differ, because 100% of the time I would rather be told something flat out than letting the questions draw out for days, for weeks, for longer.  It hurts less to get it all in one blow.

And the worst part is is that I see absolutely nothing I could have done to deserve it.  Last I checked, everything was fucking fine.  What did I do this time?

Part of me still thinks I'm overreacting and that it is nothing.  But... I can't always obey that little hopeful part of me. And right now I'm feeling an awful lot like absolute shit at the bottom of someone's shoe.

Fuck it all.  I need a drink.  -__-